Can you believe we are only just about a month from camp? Sometimes it feels like camp was last week, others like it was an eternity ago. But let's take a moment and think about one of the tougher parts of camp. Think about managing difficult behaviors at camp. What do/will you do for homesick campers? Campers that don't seem to fit in with the group? Campers that won't seem to follow directions? Share your best behavior strategy with us!
I'll go first: I had a particularly challenging group one year as a counselor and one girl was consistently left out and downright overrun by her cabinmates. Even when we tried things like using an object to take a turn to talk, others tried to run right over her. Later in the week, we needed to clean the cabin and the girls decided they wanted to go for clean cabin. I told them that was fine, but that the girl that had been left out would be in charge--period. She would tell them what to clean, how to clean it, and when it was clean enough. It worked beautifully. She came out of her shell and they learned to appreciate her wisdom. Thankfully she didn't make them clean everything to spotless! :-)
My goal here it to beat Dan and be the first to comment! Yeah!
ReplyDeleteI was broken in as a counselor by Christie, Alicia, Mary, Chenoa, and many other wonderful girls in my first cabin, so I am an EXPERT on problem behaviors!
Seriously, I have a couple strategies. First of all, I try to remember that these girls are all wonderful creations of God, and I try to communicate that to them. "No one hurts my kids" is a mantra that my kids hear all the time. So I talk with kids, individually or in small groups or as a cabin, and try to remind them all that for this week, we are a family. Does this work all the time? No. So strategy number two - ask someone for help, and don't be ashamed of doing that. My go-to people are Christie and Katie - Christie because she's the boss (at least we tell her that) and Katie because she is my go-to person on all matters related to children's behavior. Katie has the ability to listen, see a situation in a different light, and advise in a way that is helpful and nonjudgmental. Having one or two go-to people is critical - choir camp is an intense 24/7 experience, and if there is a situation that you can't handle quickly, you need to get someone to help you.
Oh shoot...well first is the worst, second is the best!
ReplyDeleteI have a few strategies that might work well for the guys that might not work for others, but here goes.
With the groups of guys that I get, usually just talking to them as a whole group, or sometimes individually, gets the job done. My guys have usually been around enough that they will listen and understand things that are going on. I've really made an effort to include people that might be a bit outcast in the cabin, essentially becoming an additional member of the cabin, rather than as a counselor of the cabin. This has worked in several cases recently which has helped everyone feel welcomed and a part of our community.
Another strategy that I have that works really well with the groups of guys I have is to tell them what to do. I know it seems silly and maybe a bit bossy, but when something needs to be done, sometimes it is just a matter of putting them in place and telling them that it has to happen. I will always thank them for their help after the fact, but sometimes the authoritarian boss figure gets the job done.
I do like what my mom has to say about the issue to seek someone else out. Sometimes it takes a person not directly involved in the situation to take a different look at it to help make a decision. This also is nice because it is someone to help share a bit of the burden and debrief and let off steam...I certainly needed that in my first year at Lake Louise.
Since I don't have a cabin, it's difficult for me to respond to this one, but I agree with Barb & Dan on the point that if the situation gets too sticky, it's always good to have a third party to go to for advice, comments, or just as a listening post. Sometimes just saying it out loud will bring the answers. I've noticed, too, over the years, that if a certain kid has a talent that they share during free expression, many times that will give other kids a way to begin conversations with the kid that may be the "outcast" or "newbie".
ReplyDeleteI've experienced first hand having to have a heart to heart with someone I was leaving out when I was at camp. The first year I brought my friend, Dawn Wilfong, I didn't realize how much I left her out until Daphne sat us down and we were able to talk it out. I see it a lot in classrooms. Unfortunately, behavior has become a big problem. (Warning this may be a soap box moment) Parents back up whatever their children say about what happens in schools even if their child is in the "wrong". Kids do not learn the same thing as many of us did about learning to get along and accepting responsibility when they do something wrong. It's always someone else's fault that it happened. Often times their reactions are also blown way out of proportion. It falls to teachers, counselors and administrators a lot to be able to fix what is wrong between students. I recently had a student who said I was picking on him when I took points off assignments. There ended up being a parent/teacher/admin meeting to resolve it. I think it is important as the adults to always make sure that everyone is included. Putting kids into groups where they don't know everyone or even don't work well with everyone in the group is sometimes the best way instead of always letting them choose. Maybe, if we notice a problem between campers or someone being left out, we try to buddy them up for something. Also, sarcasm works as a great behavioral management for the older kids. If "punishment" needs to be given, ask the kid in trouble what it should be. I often find that they are harder on themselves (especially when they understand what they did wrong) than we could ever be as adults. As for homesickness, the best thing this camp does is love and keeping busy. I had many moments as a camper where I was homesick the first couple of years, but between the counselors saying it was ok and then redirecting to another activity or campers coming together, it resolved. Hugs are wonderful for someone who is feeling a little down and out.
ReplyDeleteOkay So in situations where kids feel left out of their cabin this is my experience.
ReplyDeleteAt Elementary camp, we had a little boy who didn't make it to the bathroom in time. In fact, he was still in the cabin, in front of all of the other boys. It didn't take long for his cabin mates to start making fun of him. So we took the little boy on a walk, and the other boys were left there to have a talk. We sat down with the boys and basically told them that their cabin mate was already embarrassed enough. And if they were in their situation how would they want their friends to act? As soon as the one boy got back from the walk, everyone acted like it never happened and everything was better. I know this doesn't work in all situations though.
I also have another story about my first year of camp that deals with homesickness and issues in cabins.
My first year of camp, I came with two girls from my church (Dearborn First) and we were in a cabin with 3 girls from Newburgh UMC. I dont know why, but for the first couple days of camp, we did NOT get along. It was like a little war between churches. Soon our counselor got Christie and a friend from Newburgh involved. They came in and I don't remember what they said but it was basically, that you girls aren't that much different and should be friends. And then we each got a buddy from the other church and had to walk to choir with them and sit next to them at dinner and stuff. It worked well, and we were all friends in the next years of Camp.
Also, that year, I got very homesick on Fourth of July. My counselor told me things like just think about your family and what their doing right now. They're probably having so much fun and hoping that you are too. This did not help me. I think like everyone else has said, keeping a camper busy is the best solution. Making me think about my family having fun without me made it a lot worse for me!
Ok, here goes.. being with elementary boys most of my time at camp (I had middle schoolers for a couple years), I've dealt with one issue in particular, a real learning opportunity for me. For some of my boys the camping experience is a new one, and the sense of freedom is a bit overwhelming. Being away from the parental control feels like being away from adult control. And so limits are tested. Nothing felonious, but sometimes the rough-housing, play and listening have all the focus and care of a WWE free-for-all. So, in my most solid tone, I remind my cabineers that they should not mistake kindness and Christian love for weakness. I understand the urge to flex those freedom-muscles, and I would never want to be a Grinch, but there is some basic behavior that we all need to agree to. And we can't bust-up the feelings of others just because we're not at home. Sometimes all it takes is that reminder and the primate behavior gives way to more humane and caring behavior.
ReplyDeleteI whole-heartedly agree that we seek the good counsel of our fellow counselors when things are too thick to handle. I had one camper who was truly tested and simply unable to restrain his inner violences. We have a term in my business that is applicable to the number and intensity of issues that kids bring to camp... heat load; the amount of energy you have to deal with to make the situation optimal, to bring in or to get rid of. Katie and Tammi brought there training to aid me in dealing with the real threat that he brought to our cabin. But the situation demonstrated to me how the counselor staff became the loving arms of Christ around my whole cabin, as we all were supported. There is always some circumstance that is new and uncomfortable that could pop up.
Primate behavior? From elementary boys? NEVER! :-) I love the way everyone has spoken of the way we support one another. The teamwork and way we ask one another for help is truly one of the greatest assets I believe we have as a staff!
DeleteRedirecting energies to something positive, removing campers from problematic situations, and keeping campers busy are successful behavior problem modifications. I've got the "squirmy" little ones that I have to make into a "performance choir" in about 3 days. (After the third day, they're just too tired to accomplish much). Just our morning rehearsal is 1 1/2 hours long. Very few of these kids have ever had to sit and be focused for that long of a period of time. Most have never had any exposure to written music so that octavo is like a foreign language to them. What's left to do but fidget and get into trouble? I keep changing things up (music/backrubs/rhythm games/etc.), assign seats early (that really does help, keeps them from "picking at" their friends) but I've also changed that seating assignment if there are conflicts in the new location. I've put the girl who didn't get the solo, and was devastated because of this, in charge of making sure everybody got in line correctly. One has to be flexible. And as those above have said-ask for help if you need it!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE the idea of putting the girl in charge of everybody getting in line. It's camp, we're not here to traumatize people--we're here to help them find their unique gifts and it sounds like she had one of leadership!
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